A silver bullet, and some flags for world of warships.
I was so excited that you were excited.
I was thrilled when you asked me if I wanted to video chat with you. Its been awhile since you asked me, so it felt really damn good. It felt good to feel wanted.
I hope those flags I got you help you reach your money goal in ships.
Some shit happened this evening on ships, nothing that a simple "I am sorry and I understand" wouldn't of fixed it. I came to you and told you how I felt. It felt like rather than understanding me, you minimized my feelings as unjustified and told me that I should just "...only play when I want because you know I don't like the game" and that you "have just as much fun playing with me as without me."
I like your company. I play ships because I like playing with you. If you are just as happy playing with me as without me... why am I playing at all? I wonder if you would play a game with me just to spend time with me, even though it wasn't your favorite? Sadly, I don't think you would.
I don't hate world of warships, but you are right, I don't like playing it all that much when I am not playing it with you. I do it because I love you, and I like seeing you happy and feel special. If you really don't care if I play or not (since you are just as happy either way) then I might as well delete it. Except.... sometimes its the only time I get to hear your voice....
Its not easy coming to you with this stuff sometimes. You tell me I can come to you with anything, so I try to... and you take it as an attack rather than a supplication from a loving boyfriend to his loving girlfriend.
I half expect this to piss you off. Please don't let it. I know for a fact if you came to me because you felt left out, sad or disappointed I would never tell you...fine, do whatever you want. I would feel bad because my viewpoint is not your reality. I would apologize sincerely because you felt the way you did. You would never have to ask me to say sorry.
Baby you have so many amazing qualities and I love you deeply. I want to spend time with you. You love me like no one has. I love laughing with you, you have a great sense of humor. I like when we get into deep conversations, and I like when our conversations are just plain silly. I admire how good you are at world of warships....envy it even. I know we can't always be in the same div, but I would feel awful if you felt left out because of something I may or may not have done. I would feel horrible and want you to know that I never ever intended for you to feel that way. If I knew you were playing a game that you just mildly liked because you wanted to spend time with me, doing something that I love....... I'd say thank you once in awhile and try to make sure you got to play on my team as much as reasonably possible.
I love you. Don't push me away and make it harder to come to you with stuff like this. Please? Just love me. We are on the same team.... This is not a personal attack... I don't even want to post this and I am probably going to regret it later.
I am really close to just deleting ships if you dont care if I play or not...even though it would mean less time together because you told me you don't care if I play with you or not.
I love you so much. I love you with all my heart. You are perfect for me....but we need to grow together not apart. Help me to grow with you, now away from you.
Your Man
No comments:
Post a Comment